Grandma's Cadillac

Imagine brown plush seats soft enough to sleep on, the stale smell of More cigarettes, a low-riding ceiling, and 110-degree heat. On top of that, imagine only two heavy side doors and no windows to roll down -- a fact that constantly nurtured visions of being trapped in an airtight chamber.  This was the backseat I feared the most: Grandma’s gold Cadillac.

To this day, when I start to feel the uncomfortable heat rise in my throat or the crazy panic that pushes me to run, I flash back to that ride.  Suddenly I’m a young girl watching the near-empty gas light turn on, an aged yellow reserved for parchment and coffee-stained teeth.   Just open the door.  Roll down the window.  Grab the blue puke bowl.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.   Get it under control. I just need air...

The Cadillac might have been my elementary nemesis, but it was often my only ride from school or to swim lessons, or the very necessary means to get to the home of my super cool cousin that had permed hair and an Apple IIe. Not to mention what it lacked in modern style, the Cadillac made up for in its sheer invincibility: a twelve-cylinder engine, six miles to the gallon, and a good birth year, 1977. 

The strangest thing?  My first memory of reading is in that car. Maybe I was so focused on getting to the outside world that I grasped at whatever I could see. That first word? E-X-X-O-N. I still can’t believe that a gas sign holds the honor of the first word I remember reading.  At the time, I couldn’t have been more pleased with Grandma’s surprise.  E-X-X-O-N.  I sounded it out.  I read it.  Let the record show it's really discomfort that gives us the privilege to see beyond our immediate space. 

As for Grandma, she never fit that car in my opinion, but she did fit the bumper sticker: “If I knew grandkids were this much fun, I’d have had them first.”  Well Grandma, if I had known Grandparents were so influential, I would have asked to be born sooner to know you in your youth.  Then again maybe Grandchildren are blessed with the timing of their arrival. By the time they’re born, most Grandparents have finally gotten to a point in their life when they’re people worthy of influence.